The Rat Race has begun

The new year has started with a bit of a fizzle for me. Hubby was asleep by 8.30pm on New Year’s Eve. I stayed awake till 10pm (or midnight Dubai time) so I could wish son no 2 a happy new year. He was stuck out in the desert somewhere taking photo’s of the fireworks launching from the Burj Khalifah on behalf of the firework company. I was then vaguely awake till about 1am just keeping an ear open for our pets who don’t take too kindly to the fireworks.

Son no 1 and his wife spent the evening celebrating with friends, son no 3 and 4 spent the evening gaming on their new gaming laptops in their rooms.

Woke up to a normal day on the 1st. Son no 1 and his wife came over and we had a braai which was rained out. So we spent a day the couch rather than a day in the sun due to bad weather. At least we were all together and that made me very happy.

I must admit the holidays have been a bit of a wash out for me. I needed a holiday really badly towards the end of last year. I felt like I was hanging on a thread. I was stressed and irritable and felt like I was losing it. The holidays were in sight and this was keeping me going. I could switch my brain off and recharge my batteries, ready for new challenges.

Well a holiday was not to be and found myself working through the holiday season.  Although I didn’t spend all day at my desk, I also had other household chores to do and tried to accommodate some time with the kids as well. So my brain has not been able to power down. I am still stressed and irritable and I am very emotional and the slightest thing touches me very deeply.

The last 2 years have been hard on me with son no 2 living in another country. Don’t suppose I will ever be able to get over it. Just spent the second Christmas without him. It does make me sad, but I know there will be Christmas’ in the future that we will spend together with his future wife and future kids which will make up for it. I just hope there will be Christmas’ that I will have all 4 of my sons with me at the same time.

The one and only regret I have is not being with him for his 21st in November last year. It is one milestone in my sons life I was not there to share with him and I will never be able to get back. In hindsight, I should have insisted on going to Dubai and being there with him and it is the one regret I have that will haunt me for many many years to come.

Kids go back to school this coming week and I suppose that means the year is well and truly on its way. The rat race has begun!

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