I am due for my annual pap smear this week so I thought I would come up with a list of things I’d rather be doing while laying there in all my glory.
It always amazes me when the Gynecologist asks you to please get undressed and put a gown on – I mean what for? He is seeing everything there is to see and more. Not to mention that the gown is typically 3 sizes too small and doesn’t tie anyway. So really what is the point.
Then you lie on the bed while he pretends to make small talk and apologizes while he gropes your tits, gently opening one side of the gown, grope, grope, then closing it and opening the other side and having a quick grope there as well. Guess what Doc – the small talk is not helping.
Then the towel comes out and gets thrown over your knees and he asks you to please lift them up and part them. I am really not bothered about you seeing my knees Doc! He then brings the lamp right up to your nicely clean shaven / waxed parts and shines it right up there. Then the gloves comes on and the tube of lube appears. Ug!
He is still making small talk and you are now trying to not think about him or what he is saying or what he is doing and you are trying to think of…….
- Taking out the trash
- Cleaning the drains
- Scrubbing the shower
- Scrubbing the remnants last night spaghetti sauce off the carpet which your little one gladly brought up at 2am
- Cleaning out the litter box
- Cleaning behind the stove
- Cleaning the kids toilet
- Picking up the “present” your cat brought in earlier