She knocked it on the head for me when she said “But when I don’t write the heavy shit out, I get stuck.” And it suddenly dawned on me why I am struggling to write just recently.
You see I have not been able to actually sit and write about me for quite a few weeks now. I seem to have lost my sense of humor and hidden the real me behind a false facade.
I have been going through a few personal challenges.
Some Most of which I still cannot sit and write about. Life is complicated at the best of times.
I have been going through a re-discovery period. Questioning life and it’s meaning. And a lot of self realization has happened. I feel I cannot just sit and let life happen. I need to make life happen.
What I need is to be able to sit and write about it all. Just spill my guts and tell you all about how I
feel, what I want and what I’m doing. And how it is all affecting my life. But somehow getting this naked in front of you is very difficult. I am not ready yet to tell my story.
There are only a select few I have been able to open up to. To share my story and my views, without feeling guilty or that I am being judged for feeling the way I do. Others consider it selfish! Some consider it ridiculous! Some consider it stupid! Some say I am being extremely foolish!
So it has made it very hard for me to make decisions about my life. And they certainly are life changing decisions. Am I doing the right thing? It is right for me? Is it right for my kids? Am I being selfish? Am I being foolish? What about money? What about my career? Should I not just be content with what I have? What about ………? There are so many questions…….
Someone said I need to talk it through with a Councillor. Now to be honest I have no faith in Councillors (no offence meant to any of you out there). I just don’t believe there is a box I fit into. I am bigger than any box. Not only that, I don’t want someone else to guide my thoughts. To me the decisions need to come from within and not guided by someone else.
I did actually go and see a Councillor of sorts though and we had a good chat. He made a lot of sense. I expressed my feelings and concerns and questioned my motives. Explained I was having problems with making decisions. Explained how I felt and why I felt it. He told me to stop asking questions. He told me to stop all the “what if’s”. He told me I needed to make decisions based on what my gut was telling me – what I’d known for a long time. To listen to my inner “shakra” or “Yoni”. The rest would resolve itself one way or the other.
So having talked it through with him I feel a lot better in making some decisions. I also feel more confident in the fact that I will be OK, no matter what decisions I make down the line.
The second post I read was by a new blogger called Monique from Yours Sincerely and her post was titled: You Are Perfect Just the Way you are.
The words she used that resonated for me were “Who you are behind the masks is the real “perfect”, you are unique and I must tell you that no mask lasts forever. So while we are trying to maintain that illusion of the perfect mask we are forgetting who we truly are and want to be. We are missing ourselves all while we try our best to keep up the good appearance so the others with the masks won’t judge us.“
And I realize this is so true. I cannot put on a mask anymore. I cannot play at being someone I am not. I NEED TO BE ME! And I believe that I will find happiness if I let the real me out.
And the people in my life need to accept me for who I am and not for who they want me to be. They need to love me for the person I am – UNCONDITIONALLY!
(PS – please pop over and say HI to Monique – She needs some encouragement as a new blogger. Tell her I sent you)
Oh my goodness. I see my post was timely not only for me. And I'm beyond beyond honored that it inspired this post from you. Or inspired you in ANY way. Wow. I received mounds of support that I'm still in awe of. I hope you receive the same amount of support! I will start with it: whatever the decisions are that you are about to make, you are exactly right (or youf counselor, or Monique, or any one who tells you) the people who matter and who are willing to give you UNCONDITIONAL love will see you through it. You must live to your full potential. To your full YOU.
Dare. Be bold. Be true to YOU. I know I'll be rooting for you!!! XOXO
I'll be checking out Monique for sure! I still know how it feels to be a young, insecure blogger! And she sounds amazing!
Beth – THANK YOU for your thoughts and encouragement. I am going to be true to me – whatever the outcome. And I encourage everyone else out there to do the same.
Lanthie, I am writing this comment with a BIG SMILE on my face, a grateful heart, teary eyes and very red cheeks. ✿✿ I feel so happy that my post could inspire you to “just be you” again! You really are a stunning “fun” girl and life can so easily make you doubt that. I see now that “blogging” is so much more than writing our thoughts down and hoping it could help someone else. It goes 2 ways! Its like a bunch of people ” a sort of community” inspiring each other and being there for each other through words of encouragement, inspiration and now that I think of it – “an ear to listen”. Just as you said my post helped you, I can reply by saying that this post inspired and helped me in so many ways! You see: it goes 2 ways! I really wish you all the happiness in the world! Whatever choices you make must be right for YOU, as I said in my post: One of the bravest acts of self-love you can take is to make the decision to just be you and I add now: To be selfish sometimes. Because I feel that loving and caring for yourself can never be selfish even though you might sometimes think that. We sometimes think so much about others that we forget about our own needs, feelings and dreams.
This is turning out to be a long comment, sorry… But all the best for you and go and make someones day by showing them what a great person you “truly” are!
I love that you are opening up more and more about your real self and the struggles that you are facing. I think you will be surprised to find that there are many, MANY others who wake each day with the same questions about their life that you do. It's nice to know you are not alone in this. And as your friend, you know I ALWAYS have your back no matter what and will always support whatever decisions you make. Love you XO
I obviously don't know what you going through, but anybody who is true friend/and or supporter…will still be there for you when the dust settles. Friends don't judge and only want what is truly best for you. And who better to know what is best for you than YOU!!! I will continue to read and comment and cheer you on no matter what you are going through!!!!
Lanthie, You absolutely need to grab the bull by the horns ( Texas phrase) and live life the way you see fit! No one or nothing can make you happy until YOU are happy. Change is hard and change can be scary but it can also be the most rewarding. Live with no regrets because each and every day we are alive is a Gift. Life can be short and we all need to discsover who we are. Sometimes that takes years to do or simply hours or days. I will be your follower and supported though no matter what and i am so excited to see whats in store for our Lanthie! Big Hugs friend
Only you can make you truly happy. Part of that is being honest with yourself, and part of that is taking action. Let it be known and follow your path to happiness. Sure, some might get hurt along the way. Some might question your motives. Friends and family might not be happy with your decisions. In the end your happiness and well being is what matters most. Life is too short to be unhappy and unfulfilles. Only you can change that.
Monique, I am so glad we met and I have really enjoyed our conversations. Also glad I could help you and welcome you to this community. Congrats again by the way in your news. Wish you both all the luck in the world. We will be chatting lots still. Big hugs xoxoxo
My dearest friend – thank you! I know you are there for me no matter what. And yes I have discovered that there are so many who just accept life for what it is and settle for second best. Something I am not content in doing. I have known deep down inside for probably the last 12 years what I am acting on now. So I have no regrets in what I am doing now.
Thanks Jules! I so appreciate and need the support. Thank you for being a friend!
Holli – this last year has brought you so much happiness and I was glad to be there sharing it all with you. I thank you for standing in the sidelines for me, encouraging me and being there to support me.
Hiya Phil – the honesty part is the easy part. The difficult part is taking action. I have known for a long time what I am feeling now but never had the guts to take action. It is only with the encouragement of a few really great friends that I have had the guts to step up. I am truly blessed to have the friends I have now. Something I have not had the pleasure of in the past. I truly love you all!