We all have those retrospective moments where we look back on life and wish we had done things differently or at least wish we had specified or spoken about certain issues rather than them being implied.
Just recently I have being making a list of things I wish I had pushed more or spoken about more openly with my children, so I though it time to jot these down. There are not many but they are fundamentals in my book.
I thought these things would go without saying, and I should have ingrained it into my children well before they left home but it took them leaving home for me to realise the importance of these topics.
Family is Everything
I am not referring to Aunts and Uncles and distant relatives. What I am referring to is your kin, your blood relatives. Your direct family – brothers, sisters, mother, father.
We were a typical “boy” household. My sons all partook in the usual rough and tumble each day and as they got older the effects of too much testosterone was definitely felt in the house. Especially when they spoke about certain topics such as technology or IT (They are all geniuses when it comes to these topics)
I also find their ego’s get in the way. Each insisting they are right or they wont do X until the other comes to his senses or apologises. Typical sibling rivalry.
And as they got older and dispersed around the world, they are not as close as I would like.
Life is hard and can be really challenging at times, but the one thing you should all be able to count on, is your family. And you should be there for each other no matter what – in good times and bad. It is a life long bond.
And that means staying close, regular conversation and interest in what is going on in each others lives and being able to ask for help or offer help without there being an agenda.
You all get a free pass when it comes to family. And sometimes this means taking the first step to say “Hi, how are you doing? How is your family? ” And doing this regularly, even if the other doesnt reply. Do it again, and again, and again, till they respond, It may be that life has been hard and they don’t know how to reach out. There is never too much water under this bridge.
Debate is Good (Critical Thinking)
Covid has challenged family relationships and friendships alike. I struggled with this one. This whole Covid thing was new. So many opinions, articles, experts. All I wanted was to have a conversation, not only with my family, but friends alike. And no one wanted to explore any other view other than their own.
Each of us was labelled as crazy!
Sit down with those you love and care about. Listen to their view or opinion. They are not always right, but perhaps they have some insight or perspective you have not taken into consideration. And perhaps you can offer them some perspective or food for thought. As my partner always says, when in doubt go back to first premise. If I wasnt crazy last week, why would you think I am crazy today.
Have an open mind. Engage…
Listen, debate, discuss
It’s what helps you grow as a person.
The Importance of Calling your Mom (Communication)
Whew! Another one I struggle with. I think it’s a boy thing. Girls interact far more than boys (at least so I’m told).
I hear from my daughter-in-laws regularly. but I never get to hear from my sons. Saying that, I connect regularly with my 2 younger sons. I think as they get older and get married, the obligation is handed to their wives to make these calls.
The reality is that your mother is just as concerned about you today as she was when you were seconds old. She still goes to bed at night with her phone on loud, charging, in case her children need her, or want to chat. It doesn’t matter how hold you are.
I worry about my children every day. Not a day goes by where they are not the primary focus of my day. Concerned about them, are they ok? Wishing I could share all the hapy moments of my life with them.
Yes, I want the pictures and videos of my grandchildren, in fact I live for these moments. But I also want to know how my Son’s are. I want to hear their voices. Tell them I love them and miss them. I want to know what is going on in their lives.
Sadly my Mother passed on many many years ago and we had a troubled relationship. But there is not a day that goes by where I would’nt give anything to have had more time with my Mother.
This is one of the biggest regrets I have in my life. So a message to you all – Call you Mother, you will regret it when she is gone!