#Awkward

I had a very awkward and entertaining
evening the other night which I thought was worth sharing with you all.  You can all have a laugh at my expense.

At about 9pm on Thursday night, I wondered off to bed to read for awhile.  I’m in the bathroom getting changed when I notice that half my new belly
button ring jewel is missing.  The big ball thing at the top (I’m sure it’s got a name – no idea what).  Oops!
So it is now sliding out of my newly pierced belly button and I cant risk it coming out.  Hubby is
fast asleep and has been for over an hour.  So I am now half dressed
/ undressed and I’m in a little bit of a quandary about it.  I can’t take my dress off as I am now holding the one half
in properly stopping it from coming out any further.
Anyway, the only option is to call Son no 3 for help.  Son no 4 is fast asleep already.  Son no 3 is highly embarrassed about the whole belly ring thing in the first place and I’m not allowed to talk about it in front of him.  Now I am standing in the bathroom holding the front of my dress up so I can hold on to the jewel.  Son no 3 doesn’t know where to look as he can see my panties which don’t exactly leave much to the imagination.  Just a little awkward.  He does however realize that I need some help!
So Son no 3 and I do a search through the house to see if we can find the missing bit – this is with me walking around holding my dress up and still holding the one half of the jewel in.  We
then go out to the car (after setting the alarm off) to see if it fell off in
the car.  No such luck.
Anyway, we are now both thinking of what to do and how we can
hold it in place.  Son no 3 eventually disappears and comes back with the Hilti picture hanging tool set thinking
one of the white knobby things may work.  Not sure you know what I’m talking about here so have included a pic.  They were far too big and we try a few
other things – including wax that the kids use on their braces.  Nothing works.
Hilti Picture Hanging Tool Set
So eventually I start phoning friends I know who may have a “spare part” for my belly button jewel .   Also no luck!
I ask Son no 3 if he knows any girls from school who may
have a belly ring.  And of course his girlfriends sister has one.
 So I ask him to please call her and ask if she has a ball thing to lend me.
 He doesn’t want to ask her as he feels awkward so now I have to call
his girlfriend and ask her.
It turns out that she has a spare ball for me.  So now
I have to get it from her.
We get in the car – me still with my hand stuck up my
dress holding everything in place.  Son no 3 and I are now hysterical
as we are laughing so much.  Anyway, I sit in a position so that it
stays in place and I can sort of drive with 2 hands.  My dress all the way
up so I can see what’s going on.  (No there are no photo’s).
Anyway, we get to his girlfriends place (20 minute
drive).  He goes inside and gets a spare part for me. He hands me
the ball.  Now it is dark in the car.  My eyesight is bad enough with
small things and there is no way I can see how to put the ball on, even with my
reading glasses on and all the lights on.  Again we are laughing hysterically.
Eventually I admit defeat and ask my son for help to put it on.  He comes over to the driver side of the car and helps
me put the ball on (real awkward with his hand stuck up my dress!)
Now of course we are obliged to go inside for
coffee.  It’s almost 10 at night and I have to go inside and be
nice to parents and have a laugh about my belly ring (awkward enough admitting
I have one without having a laugh about loosing
bits).
I was so embarrassed.  God only knows what they think
of me!  Dilly blond comes to mind!

Lanthie Ransom

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Tastes Just Like Chicken

For those of you who are regulars on my blog, you will know that my 16 year old son wants a tattoo.  I was not quite in agreement with it but Daddy said he could have one.

So I have been delaying the inevitable – hoping that he would change his mind.  He brings it up at least once a week that we owe him a tattoo, so no hope there.

I decided a few days ago that I wanted a belly ring – it would look cool when I belly dance.  So of course I finally gave in and agreed that he could now have a tattoo and could have it done when I have my belly pierced.

We went out fairly early this morning for breakfast and a little shopping and also to visit the tattoo parlor.  Son no 3 has chosen the design of the tattoo he wants and I want to nip to the Harley shop to see if they have any belly rings for me.

At breakfast, Son no 3 suddenly blurts out that he doesn’t want a tattoo anymore.  Huh!  Is this the same kid…..    I quietly do a little happy dance in my head but don’t say anything.  No reason – he has apparently just change his mind.

We then head off to the Harley shop – they didn’t have any belly rings so I would have to go with whatever they had at the parlor.

On the way to the parlor, we start taking the piss out of my son for chickening out.  We suggest he gets a tattoo on his bum cheek.  He laughs.

I laugh and say it should say BITE ME.  He then comments that he is a little tender back there.

Hubby then suggests it should say BITE ME and under it should say I’m Tender!

Son no 4 then blurts out and says it should say “Tastes like chicken!”

Anyway, we eventually arrive at the tattoo parlor.  My stomach is now churning.  I am having second thoughts.  I take a deep gulp and go inside and there are 2 Russian women (not the butch sort – quite attractive actually!) – one at the counter and the other tattooing a man with huge biceps.  I notice the sign stuck on the wall – okay, now is the time to run!

I go up to the counter and ask about having my belly pierced.  She very nicely asks if I wouldn’t mind coming back in half an hour while she finishes off Mr Muscle.  So we go find a place to have a cup of tea.

We sit down and order the tea.  Now my stomach is in knots.  I need to find a bathroom!  I excuse myself.  I sit in the stall, quietly contemplating whether or not I should chicken out too.  I then decide that I can’t – I would never live it down with my sons.  I would have to go through with it.  I mean how bad can it be.  If teenage girls can do it, so can I!

So I sit back down and have 2 cups of tea.  Okay….. the moment has arrived!

We head back to the parlor.   Gulp!  I read the sign again.

The 2 Russians invite me in to sit down in the corner.  I anxiously ask if it will hurt.  They explain to me that it is so quick and it is like an injection.  I can do injections – I’m  not fond of them but I have no issues with needles in general.

So I sit down.  The one woman all of a sudden has a huge instrument in her hand – suppose it’s like a pair of forceps!

She then marks my belly button and puts the forceps over the marks.  Um….  that is uncomfortable!  She squeezes them tightly.  She then says I may now want to close my eyes as she is getting the needle out.  Okay, yeah, I may just want to not watch this part.  Final chance to chicken out!

I look away and think happy thoughts….

And 20 seconds later she says it’s done.  Oh, I say.  Not too bad at all.  There was no pain.

She then says it is not over.  She now has to put the jewelry in and that is uncomfortable.  OMW – when will it end!  So now I feel some tugging.  Yep – a little uncomfortable is the term!

2 Minutes later and it is all done.

So I am now the proud owner of a belly ring!  (Mine doesn’t look like this pic – slightly more swollen and well, you can clearly tell I have had 4 kids).

I have no pain.  I feel a little uncomfortable and guarding my stomach a little.  Definitely won’t be sucking my stomach in for a few days!.  But I did it.

So all I can say to son no 3 – CHICKEN!