In Loving Memory of My Father

It is Father’s Day today and it also would have been the 95th birthday of my Dad.

So before I go rambling on about my Dad, may I wish all Father’s a Very Happy Father’s Day. I know the circumstances surrounding this special day are not always ideal and unfortunately not all Father’s have the opportunity or the privilege of spending time with their children today.

A sad reality of the times we live in is the number of broken marriages. And Father’s are often on the losing end when it comes to having to negotiate visiting rights and access to their children.

Sadly I am also aware of many Father’s who have decided to abandon their obligations to their children after the breakup of a marriage, and this not only means financial obligations, but also the obligation of being a parent and being part of their children’s lives.

My Dad was not the best Dad in the world and my parents did not have a happy marriage. I have many memories of plates being thrown across the room by my parents and the consistent yelling and screaming at each other that ensued, with my brother and I sitting in our rooms quietly hoping it would all go away and wishing we could just leave.

My Mother’s struggle with alcohol exacerbated the situation and I am sure there are many of you with similar stories.

This blog is not to share the pains and bad memories of my life, but rather a celebration of my Father.

Regardless of how bad things were at home, he was always there for us. He stuck it out and bit his tongue with my mother and the end of his years were enough to test anyone.

He always made sure we were well provided for and we wanted for nothing and he stood by my mother and us till the end.

I left home at 17 to seek a better life and that too was filled with its own trials and tribulations.

Sadly my Dad was diagnosed with Emphesema at about the same time as I left home and he spent many years carrying around an oxygen bottle as he was not able to breathe and slept in a recliner as he could not lay down.

My last memory of my Dad was my final visit to him in hospital before he passed away where he pointed to the corner of his room. He could not speak much as he had an oxygen mask on. He had bought my eldest son a gift for his second Birthday.

It was one of those black scooters that toddlers love riding around.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was 22 at the time (some 32 years ago).

My Dad passed on a few days after this and never got to see his Grandson use the scooter.

I only have fleeting memories of my Dad now and wish I had more time with him and wish he could have gotten to know his 4 amazing Grandsons and Great Grandchildren. They have done me proud and I know he is looking down on them, full of pride and joy.

Here’s to you Dad, with all my love and thanks for bringing me into this world.

Older and Wiser

Sadly its that time of year again.  I am another year older.  I have been a bear with a sore head the last few days with the realisation that yes, I will be another year older again.  And sadly I cannot stop time.

But then one has to get old gracefully and I woke up this morning full of acceptance of the fact that I am not a year older, but a year wiser.

Now I currently live in a house where there is only 1 shared bathroom and no en-suite.  And it is currently freezing at night.  If you know me, you will know that I don’t do the cold gracefully and I get cold very quickly.

So I woke up this morning, needing to pee.  Something I have to do every morning before I do anything else.  I desperately need to empty my bladder.  And the thought of getting out of bed and putting a gown on so I can tip toe to the other side of the house, freezing, so I can do my business did not appeal to me.Thought

It then dawned on me why adult diapers were invented (That new little bit of wisdom kicking in)

Wonder if I could rock them in the bedroom?


Have a good Friday all.




We know it’s hard but try to keep excitement levels down!

I hate shopping with my sons – especially for clothes.  I had the rare pleasure on Friday as it was Son no 4’s birthday and he turned 13.  New clothes was on his birthday wish list (Yeah – strange kid, my other sons only ever had gadgets on their lists).

Anyway, I went traipsing around Sandton City Shopping Centre with him looking for new jeans. Son no 4 is not easily impressed and shopping for a pair of jeans is hardly a task he enjoys.  So I gave him his space and followed him into various stores while he pulled his face up at various different styles – he didn’t want Blue jeans, he wants Black ones (whatever that means)!

We finally found a pair he vaguely liked – so I sent him off to the fitting rooms to try them on.  I followed him in and asked for him to please pop out of the change room so I could double check the fitting.

Upon entering the fitting rooms – I was quite surprised to find that they were huge – and there was something original about them.   They had labelled each door with a quote of sorts.  I took a few pics to show you all.  I just love it when stores have a sense of humor and a little originality.

What happens in here, stays in here

This is not a door, it’s a gateway to hot looks

Don’t forget to pout

No photo’s without your agent present

Behind door no 3 …. nothing but good looks

You, this door, our clothes … anything can happen

Get in here quick, everybody’s doing it

We know it’s hard but try keep excitement levels down

We think you’re “so hot right now”
Way better than a phone booth … just ask superman

(The store in question was Mr Price at Sandton City Shopping Centre)

There Were No Half Naked Men Involved

My birthday week finally draws to a close.  It has been the most awesome birthday ever.

I turned a whole year older on Wednesday.  My day started with Hubby making me a nice cup of tea at 4am (Yeah 4am!  It’s a work day).  Kids got up about 5 minutes earlier than usual to give me a quick kiss and a hug and hand me my new iPad 4!  Haven’t had a chance to set it up as yet but can’t wait.

The rest of the day was no different to any other day – sat at my desk working.

My brother called to confirm he was collecting me as 6 and asked me to wear something nice.

I left my desk at about 5 to get “dressed”.  Thought I’d wear my new black leather mini skirt, remembering my brother did tell me to wear leathers.  I thought I would go all out.  I put on my suspenders, stockings, leather mini, black blouse (with popper buttons) and red high heel shoes.  I looked awesome!  I was so going to own the evening.

Then my daughter-in-law arrived, took one look at me and said I had to change.  WHAT?  WHY?  She just said she thought it was inappropriate and I needed to wear trousers.  After a debate, I called my brother to confirm what I should be wearing and he politely told me that he thought trousers were more appropriate.    I then rather annoyingly took off my new skirt, stockings and suspenders and put on a pair of black jeans.  I insisted on still wearing my red heels.

My brother duly arrived to collect me.   On the way to wherever, my brother asks if I trust him.  I said yes of course – why wouldn’t I.  Rather a strange question.  My office is near to one of the local Casino’s and we were headed in that direction.   As we drove past the Casino, there was a party bus parked outside.  My brother asked me if I had ever been on one.  I said no.  He asked if I wanted to go on one.  All of a sudden I could picture the night being one big piss-up!  Not quite what I had in mind.

Thank goodness we drove past and he turned into the office park where my offices are.  And I spot 3 Harley’s parked outside.  Now my heart is starting to pound in excitement.  Hope they are for me!

He parks and we head for the restaurant downstairs.  There are 3 guys sitting there in leathers and my brother introduces me as the Birthday Girl.  The one guy was the first guy to bring a Harley into the country about 30 year ago.  The second guy introduces himself as Michael – he looked very familiar but I couldn’t place him.  And the third guy had rather a quiet disposition.  We sat and all had a drink together and just chatted about Harleys and things.  If my evening ended here, it would have been good.

They then informed that they they were taking me for a ride.  Just the 3 of them.  They would meet my brother again at 11 at some joint miles away.

So now I’m a little concerned – thinking what on earth are 3 bikers going to do with me all evening.  I am not exactly great company on my own and can be a little shy and reserved.  They don’t look the gang bang type either so shit only knows what we are going to do for the next 5 hours.

Anyway, I point out I am wearing heels and I show off my new red shoes.  They brush it off and say don’t worry about it.  They help me into my Harley leather jacket (so glad I brought it) and I am directed to the bikes.  The BIG RED one is mine.  (Hope they couldn’t spot me drooling).

Michael is assigned to me.  (Still can’t place him and he looks so familiar)  He gets on, starts the bike and they explain how I am supposed to get on and sit in the pillion seat.  I used to ride a bike back when I was about 18 – nothing big and without a license.  I haven’t been on a bike since and I have never been on a bike as a passenger.  I have trust issues with someone else riding.  Anyway, I take a deep breath and quietly tell myself to embrace the evening and opportunity.  And off we go.

Spot the red heels

I was in heaven!  I can’t remember having so much fun in all my life.  This is where I was supposed to be – on a Harley!  I was not scarred, not concerned.  I forgot about everything else in life.  Bliss!

We went up and down various roads and ended up on the freeway.  Eventually taking the Sandton off-ramp.  Now I had a slight idea where we were headed to.  The Harley dealership is in Sandton.  And as we approach the dealership, I spot loads and loads of cars parked outside.  Now it dawns on me what is happening for the evening.

Michael pulls into the dealership and stops the bike.  I now have to get off.  Sounds easier than it is – my legs (and quite possibly my brain) was not going to cooperate.  I could not get off.  After 5 minutes of struggling, I eventually wriggled my way off.

Quick photo opportunity as we are met by the rest of my family and I am led into the upstairs section of the dealership.


There are all my friends and family.  Could the evening get any better.

The place looks awesome.  The room is decked out with tables and chairs and just looks amazing.

I spend the next 15 minutes going around and greeting each person individually.  I then pop over to the bar to thank the 3 bikers for the awesome ride and we get chatting over a drink.  It suddenly dawns on me who Michael is – he is the brother of a good friend and business associate.  Pure coincidence – and of course once we twigged, we had a good laugh about it.  They then left.  (And my heart sank thinking that was end of my riding for the evening).

There was an airbrush artists there who apparently does custom spray jobs on Harley’s so everyone was queuing up to get some form of airbrushed “fake” tattoo’s done.

My fake tattoo

Dinner was eventually served.  Everyone was having fun and it was great to see my friends all having a good time.

Eventually cake time and I was called to do the honors.  Now this is the bit where I get a little nervous. I don’t like taking centre stage or being in the spotlight and standing in front of a room full of people doing a speech is not my idea of fun.  I suck it up,  blow out the candles (and yeah they were the non-blow-out sort that keep reviving themselves  haha).  Speech didn’t happen – I said a quick Thank You to all and that was as good as it was going to get.

I eventually ended up at the bar.  I am not a big drinker but I thought this was my night and I was going to let a little lose tonight – Shooters it was!  Ended up making our own – Caramel Vodka and Chocolate Vodka mixed – now called a “Lanthie” – absolutely yummy!

The night slowly drew to a close with everyone slowly saying good night – it was a work day the next day.  I eventually got home at about 11.45pm.

Best night of my life and the bike ride more than made up for there not being any half naked men.

Wear Leather’s!

It is my birthday this coming week – I’m turning 38 (again!).  I’m not usually big on birthdays and don’t usually make a big deal out of my own – another year older is not something I like celebrating nowadays.

One of the things you would know about me if you knew me personally is that I HATE being in the limelight.  Now don’t get me wrong – I LOVE my blog being in the limelight but personally, I am a behind the scenes person.  So big parties and especially surprise parties are not ideal for me – especially when I am the main feature.

In case you hadn’t noticed – I have a slightly warped sense of humor.  I love joking about my own sexuality and always have some form of tongue in cheek comment about sex or anything with a sexual connotation.  The funny thing is, my brother and I were brought up very conservatively, and he shares my sense of humor and we have very weird conversations when we are together.

Anyway….. my brother calls me about 2 weeks ago and invites me to “dinner” on my birthday and won’t take no for an answer.  Now this in itself is strange as he usually takes me out for lunch.  We never go for dinner.

So I tell hubby later that night that my brother wants to take me for dinner for my birthday.  It is a week day and I can’t see why hubby would have an issue with it – he is usually in bed asleep by 7 and we wouldn’t have done anything special for my birthday anyway – maybe an early dinner or something but hubby hates going out for dinner.  However, hubby goes off on a tangent and is pissed that I am going with my brother and what about him and his plans for me.

So I drop the subject – It will resolve itself whatever and well, dinner or not is no big deal and quite honestly I have better things to worry about.

My brother then mentions to me a few days later that I have to “wear Leathers”.  Now I am worried.

 It is a little strange to be told to wear leathers for dinner.  So I know something is up.  I’m not sure what type of leathers either – are we talking leather trousers / leather skirt / leather jacket / jeans and leather jacket / chaps or perhaps the “collars and mask’s” type!  (you never know with my brother)

I have the leather boots and jacket but anything more may need to be a shopping expedition!

My husband then comes home the other night and tells me that he has spoken to my brother and he has given me permission to go out with him (Yeah – my thoughts exactly – I’m like 2 years old all of a sudden and need permission!).

So I start asking questions about where we are going.  My brother eventually tells me that we are going to a place called “Beefcakes“.  I was curious so looked it up and of course the half naked guy in the logo catches my eye.  I send my brother a message asking if he can arrange a lap dance.  He thought I was very funny!

Beefcakes is a burger bar – but with a twist.  They have themed evenings – with drag shows and boys only nights and girl only nights.  Pop on over to the site to have a look.

So I am dying of curiosity to find out what he has planned.  I strongly doubt we are actually going to Beefcakes, but who knows.  As long as there are half naked men involved, I’ll forgive him for putting me in the spotlight!

Messages on a Board – 16th Birthday Gift List

Son no 3 turns 16 on Thursday this week.  He has been looking forward to this day for so long and it has been all he can talk about for weeks.  He is now at the “legal” age to be allowed to have sex apparently (he is under the impression that the female species are all going to start throwing themselves at him now that he is 16 / legal!

So today I found another message on my board in the kitchen:

16th Birthday List

Item no 1:

The list of music he wants is as follows (I must be getting old as I don’t recognise anything – suppose I can splash out on some iTunes Vouchers:
Pierce the veil (albums)
-collide with the sky
-selfish machine
– a flair for the dramatic
– a celebration of an ending
for all those sleeping (albums)
– cross your fingers
– the lies we live
of mice and men (albums)
– of micr and men
– the flood
sleeping with sirens (albums)
– with ears to see and eyes to hear
– lets cheer to this
black veil brides (albums)
– wretched and divine : the story of the wild ones
– we stitch these wounds
tonight alive (albums)
– what are you so scared of?
– all shapes and disguises
breath caroline (albums)
– hello fascination
– hello is that you…
– its classy, not classic
– savages
mayday parade (albums)
– a lesson in romantics
– anywhere but here
– mayday parade
the word alive (albums)
– deceiver
woe is me (albums)
– bracket
– genesi[s]

Item No 2:

Box of Condoms – This one goes without saying and it is the first thing I have given all my sons when they have turned 16. May be a controversial issue but I would rather they had them and used them than have their lives messed up by unwanted STD’s or pregnancies.  It is not to say I condone or encourage the use thereof….  (PS – Son no 1 and 2 were both finished all their schooling and in serious relationships the first time they used them)

Item No 3:

Tattoo – Still under much debate in our house.  Hubby has agreed to it and it looks like a done deal.   I have emphasized over and over again the consequences thereof and all I can do is remember to say “I told you so” in years to come.
So I hope all his dreams come true and wish him a very happy birthday week!  (Love you my son!)

Menopausal Moments and 21st Birthdays

As parents we accept certain things. And one of them is that our children grow up and eventually leave home. 

Even though we accept this, it does not mean we like it.

Son no 2 has lived in Dubai for almost 2 years. I would be lying if I said I was totally happy with this. Has he made the right decision to start his career there – YES. Is he better of there – YES. Does he have better prospects there – YES. Is he safe there – YES.  So why a I not happy? Because I still think of him as my baby and I want to be near him and protect him and share certain memories with him.
It is his 21st birthday today. I really wanted to be there with him. I looked at the possibility of us all going to Dubai for the weekend to celebrate this milestone in his life with him. But as son no 3 is writing exams, we couldn’t make this happen.  
I brought up the possibility of me going alone. Hubby said I should go – he said I could go with pleasure, but he wouldn’t be impressed with it. So I thought it through – what would I do there alone? My son would feel obliged to spend the time with me rather than celebrating with his friends – and no young man wants his dear mommy around during these sorts of occasions. 
 It is different if we were there as a family – he wouldn’t feel obliged to spend all the time with me and keep me entertained. Then there is also hubby who would not have been impressed if I went alone. So is it worth rocking the boat?
So for the last week I have been on edge. Moody. Irritated. Annoyed.
And then yesterday we tried to talk to my son via Skype but we couldn’t hold a conversation due to a bad ADSL line. In fact I haven’t had a decent conversation with my son for weeks because of our poor ADSL line. And all of this culminated to me breaking down and just sobbing my heart out.
I am not really an emotional person. I don’t typically cry. I have the odd moody moments but these are also few and far between.  A little more regular since menopause has set in but in general I am a very sane, level headed person.
Hubby does not do well with emotional people. He has no idea what to do.  Rather than holding me and comforting me and just letting me cry it out, he tells me to pull myself together and tells me I am being silly.
So I try to pull myself together.  It doesn’t help emotionally as all I want to do is sob my heart out, except now I am doing it internally rather than letting it all out.
Then last night I am lying in bed while hubby is fast asleep.  And all I can think of was the eve of my first sons 21st birthday.  We had been out for diner.  Hubby had gone to bed and kids were getting into their pajamas.  I was tidying  up the lounge when I looked up and saw a man in a balaclava pointing a gun at me.  We were held hostage by 6 armed men that night while they went through our house and took all our valuables.
So I have found 21st birthdays to be rather a let down.  

Things that make you smile

It was my birthday today and we were all woken up early by hubby for our traditional early morning present ritual.

As hubby was going into hospital this month and he wasn’t sure how long he would be out of commission, he purchased gifts and cards some weeks ago for my birthday.  In fact he purchased them with son no 3 and 4 just before son no 3’s birthday earlier this month.

This morning I get 3 cards which I open one by one as follows:

  • Card 1 – From hubby wishing me a very happy birthday
  • Card 2 – BLANK – was supposed to be from Son no 3……  Apparently son no 4 was supposed to get him to sign it which he forgot to do
  • Card 3 – as follows:

As you can see – it clearly was not meant for me.  It was a card from son no 4 to son no 3 for his birthday earlier this month which he never gave him.  (You can feel the brotherly love)

So they agreed they would make their own cards for me during the course of the day.  And this is what I got from son no 3:

It certainly gave me a reason to smile!

Oh I love them dearly