Don’t Piss Me Off!

I have a few pet peeves.  Some of the ones at the top of my list are (in no particular order)……

  • People who litter – This is the lowest you can go – really!  For F’sake put it in a trash can – how difficult can it be!
  • Banks – any bank / any department – I just generally have an issue with banks – and they have an issue with me clearly!
  • Call Center agents – Please don’t call me to ask for a donation or sell me something – I will be extremely rude and possibly insult you (the only time I ever insult anyone).

I have had 2 issues over the last 2 weeks with my bank – and just for reference, I bank with Standard Bank.  Probably won’t mean anything to most of you. 

Anyway, the FIRST issue is as follows:

I received a text message from my bank informing me that I am being handed over to attorneys for non payment of my Home Loan (Mortgage).  I ignore the first message.  Why?  Because I don’t have a home loan and it could be a hoax anyway.

I duly get another text message ….

So now I’m in a quandary – I’ve had issues before where I have ignored something from the bank and they end up going after you with more money than you can ever afford to fight them with.

Now bear in mind that they don’t phone me, I just get a text message!

So I take a deep breath and call them.
I wait for them to answer the call and I wait to be put through to the right person. 
They want my identification number.  Which I give them.
No, they have no record of having sent me a text message or any issues with any of my accounts.
So they ask for my mobile number to track the issue through that. 
So I give it to them. 
Ah the woman says – you must be Mrs XXXX. 
I reply that no, I am not Mrs XXXX (We’ve just had a conversation where I have given her my identification number and she has pulled up all my accounts and details – I only go by one name)
So after much debating, she finally agrees that this is my mobile number and apologizes and they will not send me any more text messages and she will leave a message on the system about our conversation.

I had this conversation on Monday – since then, I have had about 30 phone calls from the bank to my mobile all asking to speak to Mrs XXXX.
Not sure how to make it any clearer that I not Mrs XXXX and this is not her number – I have snarled it and shouted it – must be a hearing problem!

The SECOND issue:

I get a call yesterday from the card division informing me that my Mastercard is due for renewal in 2 months.

Okay – nice of them to let me know…..  and the conversation goes something like this:

Bank:  Where would your like your card delivered to?

Me: My home address please
Bank: Sorry but we cannot deliver it there
Me: Why?
Bank:  For security reasons
Me: What security reasons?
Bank:  We only deliver to the branches themselves
Me:  Um – surely it is safer to deliver into my hands than to a branch where 20 other people have access to it
Bank:  I don’t make the rules
Me:  I can go to 2 or 3 other banks who advertise the fact that they deliver your cards personally to you, so why do you not do this
Bank: I don’t know
Bank: So where would you like us to deliver the card
Me: To the XXX branch (where I opened my account and always transact from)
Bank: Sorry but that is not a full branch.  It is a satellite branch.
Me: So
Bank: So we can only deliver to a full branch
Me: So what was the point of asking me where to deliver my card to.  Why didn’t you just tell me where to fetch it from.
(I won’t expand on the rest of the conversation as I lost my cool)

Have you got any interesting banking stories you want to share?

Mega-Twits of the World Unite

So I been trying to increase my twitter following just lately. The more I use twitter, the more I like it. I can scroll through all the tweets of the people I follow and just pick the ones I want to read and open the links I specifically want to read rather than trying to find loads of blogs and other articles on the web.

It is also great for promoting my blog as my followers get links to my posts and in turn their followers can see who they follow and well it is self perpetuating (in theory).

But you see this is where I see a problem – I see all these people with thousands of twitter followers

@lanthieransom
Click image to follow me!

and I have to assume they follow most of them back.

I currently follow about 250 Twitterers and  it would take me all day just to keep up with the tweets I get everyday – and believe you me I do actually try to get through as many as I can each day. I would never get any work done. Now I am not even talking about actually reading every tweet, I’m just talking about scanning and picking out the ones I want to actually read.

So am I being stupid and does nobody else have this problem. How do all these #mega-twits (my name for a person who has thousands of twitter followers) actually read or even attempt to read any tweets?

Jus sayin……

  

Tantalizing Tuesday – Francois Hougaard

I’m not a great sports fanatic and know very little about famous South African sportsmen.  So I thought I would broaden my knowledge a little.

This is Francois Hougaard and he is a professional South African rugby union rugby player. His primary position is scrumhalf, but he has recently been playing on the wing for the Bulls. He won the Currie Cup in 2009, and the Super Rugby title in 2010, scoring tries in both finals. (Whatever that means!)

South African female members of a dating site voted him as the most sought after sport’s hottie.

Yummy is all I can say! (And don’t forget I’m a sucker for a guy on a motorbike!)





Cause it would be really cool!

I have recently thought about getting a belly ring.  The concept is that it would be really cool to have one when belly dancing.

So with my mind pretty much made up, I thought I would mention it to my sons this morning in the car on the way to school – not that I need their permission or anything but it usually gets some or other vocal reaction when I mention these sorts of things to them.

Anyway, I duly mention it and I hear this loud NO from Son no 3 in the backseat.  What? I say.  He repeats the loud NO (sternly).

So I say: What do you mean by NO!

Son no 3 says:  NO, I’m not putting up with this anymore.

I say: What do you mean you’re not putting up with this anymore?  I’m confused as to what you are putting up with.

Son no 3 says:  I just can’t put up with this Shit anymore.  You’re just weird!

So that had me in stitches with laughter!

I then looked at Son no 4 in the front seat and said:  So you have nothing to say?

Son no 4, who is the brainiac in the family, head boy at school, cricket and hockey captain and well just an all round genius says:  (silence)

He just grinned and looked away.  So I said:  Aw come on, you must have something to say.

He replies:  No comment!

Suppose that is tacit approval.  Will be looking around for a suitable parlour this week!

Happy Endings

So I followed a link to a blog post about 2 weeks ago which peaked my curiosity.  I very briefly read up about it and made a mental note to do a blog post about it.

Now almost 2 weeks later and I’ll be damned if I can find the original post.  Anyway….  The post was by a woman who had received an anniversary present from her husband and she tells us all about it.

Her husband gave her a gift voucher for a Yoni Massage and she tells us about her experience.  In conclusion she said although she was left a little cold by the experience, she would strongly recommend it.

I have never heard of the term Yoni before, never mind a Yoni Massage. 

So I’ve done quite a bit of research on it.

Yoni is a Sanskrit word for the vagina, and has different meanings such as “Gateway to Pleasure”,

“Sacred Temple”, “Sacred Space”, “Divine Passage” and “Temple of Delight”.  

Receiving a Yoni massage actually means that your “holy temple” is being worshipped.  A Yoni massage is also referred to as a sacred massage.

Our vaginas are not private parts of our body, nor are they separate parts to who we are, to only be invited to “come out to play” for special occasions.

Without the acceptance of the yoni and our sexual essence we cannot fully embody our soul and our passions into our daily lives. They are sacred parts of the body of which when seen and touched from a space of love are no different to any other part of your body that you allow touch, pleasure and healing.

Pleasure and healing come hand in hand, as our bodies relax and release withheld trauma and tension. Your shoulders, your neck, your jaw line holds the stresses and traumas of life …your yoni is no different.

But I must mention that the aim of the message is NOT an erotic massage with a happy ending.   The happy ending is a side effect (if you happen to have one and if you agree to go this far).  The massage is a tantric one, teaching you more about your body and how to relax it and how to pleasure it.  It helps to release all the sexual tension built up inside. 

The massage works with the innate body energy, the chakras on the front of the body and the Kundalini on the back. Sexual energy, is moved upwards, generally from the base chakra to the heart chakra on the front of the body and from the base of the spine up the back.

Every part of the body is touched, as Tantra includes everything and does not exclude anything.

I have looked at loads of parlours that offer a yoni (or sacred) massage.   Some therapists seem to do it fully clothed but it does seem that in the more authentic parlours, the therapists are naked, just like you.  This is to embrace the spirit and put you on the same level.  There are no secrets. (and no you are not allowed to touch the therapists)

It apparently has the following benefits (and I quote):

  • Supports a woman in witnessing & accepting emotional pain be that from sexual trauma, abuse, difficult sexual relationships or trauma experienced in childbirth.
  • It supports the healing process of:
  • – Painful menstruation,
  • – Irregular menstruation,
  • – Infertility,
  • – Low sex drive, (lack of Labido)
  • – Pain in sexual intercourse,
  • – The inability to feel safe in one’s own skin
  • – Lack of trust in relationships,
  • – Lack of respect for one’s own sexuality, reducing promiscuity.
A sacred massage is also offered  to couples and can help couples who are in a sexual rut.  It helps strengthen your relationship with your partner with:
  • An ability to trust
  • A willingness to be vulnerable,
  • An ability to surrender,
  • A connection of rich depth and unity
  • Nourishing & satisfying sex for the mind, body and soul.

And it is apparently very good for menopausal women!

So I have an anniversary coming up next month – wonder if dear hubby will be adventurous enough to give me a gift voucher?

My Nearly Naked Debut

I promised I would tell you all about my Belly Dancing Showcase Debut so here goes……

For those of you who are new to my blog, I took up belly dancing in February this year.  I am not a very physical person – I hate gym.  Have never danced and have 2 left feet.  I have been on a mission lately to challenge myself.  I have always been quite reserved and not very adventurous.  So I picked something that was, in my books, way out there.  And belly dancing certainly was when I started.

I coerced my daughter-in-law to join me and she gladly accepted.  After the first 2 lessons, I knew I would stick it out.  I have loved every minute of if.  I feel like I fit in and have a wonderful, patient teacher.   The biggest challenge for me was the choreography.  I am typically a thinker and you can’t overthink when dancing – you just need to do it!  Anyway, we were informed a few months ago that we would be expected to perform on stage in a showcase at the end of our term.

I worked real hard in learning the routine and spent last week in a panic as I had not mastered it all yet.  I was also working on a huge event last week so was not able to rehearse and I was working 20 hour days.  My event finished on Saturday and my showcase was on Sunday.

So I woke up early on Sunday.  Collected my daughter-in-law and we drove through to Roodepoort.  The show was at the ProMusica theatre, seating about 400 people.  We had Make-up scheduled for 8.30am.  Photoshoot at 11am.  Walk though on stage at 1pm.  A show at 3pm and another at 6pm.  So a busy day ahead.

The Make-up artist was brilliant.  I hate make-up and can’t bear feeling like I have gunge on my face all day.  It makes me feel claustrophobic.  She spent almost an hour doing our make-up with false eyelashes the works.  And I felt like a million bucks.  So she had a huge part to play in making the day very special for me.

We then went off to find the dressing rooms.  There were 4.  2 Chorus and 2 smaller ones.  We chose the one smaller for 6.  We thought we would secure 2 dressing tables for the 6 in our group and would share with many other dancers.  Thankfully, no one bothered to join us so the 6 of us had the dressing room all to ourselves.  It was great for morale and of course we spent every free moment rehearsing our routine.

it was freezing backstage.  We were going to be very cold for the day!

Once we got unpacked and dressed up in costume no 1 (brrrrr), we went to find the photographer.  I am generally not very photogenic so I hope she took some nice pics.  Haven’t seen them yet.  Once she did the first set, we went off to change into costume no 2 and went to have some more pics taken.

By that time we all started running out of time so we never got to have our group shots taken.  It was 1pm and time for a walk through on stage.  Originally there was only one show scheduled and it sold out fast so they put a second show in.  So thy had to move the time of the first performance forward.  Therefore there was no time for a full rehearsal.  Just time enough for a quick walk through with placing on stage.

So chaos reigned for the next 90 minutes while we all came on and off stage  placing ourselves and getting familiar with the stage.  Quite daunting for me.  Although I have spent many many hours on stage through out my career, I have never actually been on it when the lights are on and an audience watching.

We had final call at 2.45.  We were to get show ready and get on stage for the opening number. The opening number had all 70 odd of us on stage at the same time.  My group (the beginners) only came on stage towards the end of the opening.  Daunting enough let me tell you.  You suddenly realise you are in front of loads of people focussing on you.

In fact I was not nervous.  I was  not concerned about the lights or the people.  The only thing I had on my mind was “remember to smile”.  That and remembering the choreography.  And what is the first thing my kids said to me after the performance – “You could have smiled mommy”.  So I hate to think how much I messed up on the choreography.

I was a lot better in the second show.  I think if we did another one or two shows I would have been perfect.  Dancing in a studio versus the stage are very different.  Especially when it comes to spacing and where are you compared to the others on stage.

They took a video of the performance.  When I get it, I will see if there are any suitable parts to post for you all along with some of the photographs from the photographer.

I had a really good time and I would perform on stage anytime again – even in my nearly nothings.  We all had a great time.  I can’t wait to get back to class and start rehearsing for next years show.

Just goes to show that sometimes it is worth challenging yourself – you may just end up enjoying yourself in the process.

What other challenges shall I concur………